To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
don't judge my taste in strippers
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
