The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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