I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
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You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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