oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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