I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need a beard to bite.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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