fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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