those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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