I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
