It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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