In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
