I hate all girls vehemently.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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