I hate all girls vehemently.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
