My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
