the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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