The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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