ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
