He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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