Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
