he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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