Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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