god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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