there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
