i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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