I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
FUCK WHALES
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
