Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
