A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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