i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
