So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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