This is not my ceiling
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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