so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
