when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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