Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
