Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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