It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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