I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I look better un-naked...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
