i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
