I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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