Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
