She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize