so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
