So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
