My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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