I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
