At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She's the barista slut.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
