I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
