He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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