i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
