Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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