life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
