all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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