i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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