I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
