Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
