tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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