i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
