im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
