i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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