Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Too much gin, very little bucket
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
